My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
