just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
