I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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