Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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