People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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