I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Dick very happy bro
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
