it wasn't lemon gatorade
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think I sprained my soul last night
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
