Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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