you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
We got so high we made milksteak
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
