he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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