Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Randomize
