Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
