I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
