Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
