I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
