if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
