the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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