OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
