can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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