He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
