dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
