opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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