so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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