I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
