Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
