I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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