Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
