yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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