so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
