She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
