i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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