haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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