Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
