her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
