it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
