you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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