Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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