So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
