I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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