So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
