She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We left an ass print on the piano.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
