Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my phone needs a breathalizer
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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