Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
