Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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