dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
even my farts smell like vagina
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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