Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My penis needs a shock collar
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
