Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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