Acid is not a monday night drug
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I love having hate sex.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you had me at cake vodka
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
