we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
