Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she peed on how many people?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
