I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
