This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
this will be a night to untag.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
