All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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